So...

... a friend of mine recently started blogging, and I must say, I've viewed the catharsis he has been having with increasing jealousy, and have therefore decided to vomit my thoughts and feelings at the tubes as well. Except unlike his site which is calm and collected, I will, as the title of this tube suggests, be either laughing at something, or ranting about it. So if you have a problem with either random anger or humor, you'd better move along, as there is nothing for you to see here.

Now that that's out of the way, lets start things off with a rant.

Fixed gear fanatics:

If you live or work in a major metropolitan area, you've seen these people. I used to think they were some sort of bizarre fringe of the cyclist world, as the only two I ever saw were the dude commuting down Capitol Hill with his feet tucked into the frame while his pedals whirled past, and the bike messenger downtown who was clearly such a bad motherfucker that I was honestly a little scared to make eye contact. But recently, they're EVERYWHERE.

Now, I'm no stranger to the phenomenon of "do something odd because it makes you cooler," but what's the deal? Whenever I see someone struggling to pedal up Capitol Hill, or just walking along side, clearly having decided that the sisyphean nature of their task was just too much, I honestly cannot decide whether to laugh or heckle. For those of you unfamiliar with the topography of Seattle, its nothing but fucking hills. Some big, some small, but gentle slopes are few and far between. So why the fuck would you purposefully choose a means of conveyance as ill-suited to this terrain as a bicycle with one gear and no brakes? Clearly, I'm missing something, and I'd probably feel less cool for having missed it if I wasn't so convinced that this special whateverthefuck comes at the expense of logic and safety.

That's right, safety. Generally I'm of the opinion that safety concerns can go fuck themselves faster and deeper than political correctness and Ron Paul supporters, but in this case, I make an exception. Mainly because I, as a sometimes driver in Capitol Hill, which seems to be the headquarters of fixed gear fanaticism, have no desire whatsoever to run someone over just because they failed to check themselves, and were thusly wrecked.

We have bike lanes for a fucking reason, and that is to keep cyclists unable to keep pace with traffic the fuck out the road. But then you have the fixed gear asshole riding down the hill who is only able to slow down by stepping back on their rear pedal and skidding the rear wheel out to the side every few yards. Needless to say, this causes half the bike to suddenly swerve out into the road.

Now, really, what the fuck are you people thinking? I'm all for sharing the road: I'm an aggressive pedestrian who will just go ahead and walk across the fucking intersection, forcing cars to stop by placing my body between them and wherever the fuck they're trying to get. I understand the "FUCK YOU, CARS, you are teh SUCK," mentality, but the behavior of most fixed gear cyclists is less akin to sharing the road and more like kicking a Kodiak grizzly in the balls and expecting to avoid a savage mauling.

If you don't want me to run you the hell over, please stay either entirely in the bike lane, or have the common fucking decency to know how to handle your shit before hopping on that deathtrap you seem to think gives enough extra indie-points as to somehow make yourself infuckingvincible.

Ever see one of the bike messengers downtown lose their shit? No, they know what they're doing, and until you do as well, keep out of the street.